Admitting the problem
and seeking help
Abusive behavior is found in all socio-economic levels, in
all educational, racial, and age groups. Abusers can be men or women. Abusers
are conditioned to vent their anger, which has a low “boiling point,” by
abusing someone either physically or verbally. They tend to have a low
self-esteem, think of themselves as failures, and don’t relate with other
people very well. They want to control others who become their targets of
abuse. This desire to control may be the abuser’s belief they are promoting the
“good” of the family or the relationship. Abusers will offend others without
feeling any guilt and without any remorse, even after they have admitted having
the problem.
If you are a person who has abused those close to you, you
must be willing to face the reality of what you are doing. God values all
people – He sent His only Son to die so that you could have a relationship with
Him. God desires that you cherish other people, His people, and treat them with love, having the highest regard for
their welfare [Ephesians 4:32]. Children especially are adored by God: “Jesus
said, ‘Let the little children come to
Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven’” [Matthew
19:14].
Abusers justify their behavior believing their victims goad
them to point of abuse. If you are an abuser it is important for you to know
abuse in any form, for any reason is
sin, and it is destroying your spouse, your children or any other person you are
abusive toward. To continue in your behavior is to destroy even your own life.
God is the defender of the victims of abuse. He holds abusers accountable for
their abuse of others.
God forgives the sin of abuse if you are willing to confess
your abusive behavior as sin, and look to Him for correction and deliverance.
God is merciful. When we confess our wrongdoing and turn away from our past
sinful behavior He forgives us [1 John 1:9].
God wants to deliver you from your destructive behaviors,
and He can change you through the “renewing of your mind.” Immersing yourself
in His Word, the Bible, every day and becoming involved in a good
Bible-teaching church that preaches the gospel is a good place to start.
Establishing a relationship with your pastor, and being accountable to him or
her during your renewing is a good idea. Abuse is a serious, deep-rooted
problem requiring counseling, and your pastor can help you by referring you to
a professional Christian counselor.
Your life, and the lives of others, will take a wonderful
turn for the better if you earnestly seek God’s help. His Holy Spirit is going
to shine a light on your darkest parts, and reveal to you what you need to
change when you seek Him. “Search me, O
God, and know my heart; try any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way
everlasting” [Psalm 139:23, 24